Hermit the Frog
"Last time on Total Drama Jamaica," Chris began, standing on the dock in front of the island, "16 contestants were marooned on the not-so-remote island of Jamaica, beginning the adventure of a lifetime!" Various shots of people arriving were shown. "Right off the bat, there were friendships, romance, and conflicts! Love it!" Clips of Adonis and Diamond together were shown along with ones of Trish and CeCe. "Sergeant McKee, Trish, and Brian formed an alliance, but apparently they forgot they'd need two more for the majority... so Adonis picked up the slack and took Sergeant McKee out of the game." Sergeant McKee's rant and him storming off was shown. "Who will be eliminated tonight? How will Trish and Brian deal with their ally leaving? Find out all this and more, right now, on Total... Drama.. Jamaica!" Intro Wata was all making their way back to camp in the night after the elimination ceremony. "Pretty interesting, huh?" Melody said passively, setting her torch next to the camp. Trish (CONF): 'So, uh... yeah. That happened. '''Brian (CONF): '''I know German. It was very... interesting to hear what Sergeant McKee had to say when he-- okay, not even beating around the bush, he said he was the head of the 'dragon' that is our alliance and proceeded to call us dragon ''(bleep). "Hi, guys, can we have a little team meeting?" CeCe cheerfully said, bringing everyone out of the shelter. 'CeCe (CONF): '''My strategy is to play the part of the dumb blonde and be thrown around and used as a vote. Then, at the final tribal council, I'll have slid my way into the end... and bam! ''(bashfully smiles) ''Off comes the fake personality and I reveal the mastermind that is CeCe. I'm only doing this because when you have a personality as fabulous as my own, you're bound to butt heads with some people. I have to play the social game. So instead, I'm doing what I do best! Acting. "Listen," CeCe began, "I know we might have lost that first challenge and for a few of us, we might be looking down... but we can win tomorrow! I know we can! You just have to perk up and be cheery. It's what I do best." She smiled at the group. "That's right, everyone," Trish said, "all you need to is be ''cheery to win! That's the ONLY way we can do this!" "Trish, your negativity is really hurting the tribe," CeCe said, tears welling up. "It doesn't make me feel good to hear you say things like that." "I'm going to bed," she said, leaving the group. 'Diamond (CONF): '''Drama! Yay! ''(laughs) ''Love it! While the attention is off of me, I can work on my boy and CeCe and Trish can do whatever they need to do. '''Brian (CONF): '''Of course I like Trish and at this point she's my only rock-solid ally, but she's horrible socially. She can't engage in normal conversation. You have to get to know her and peel off layer by layer of cold before you can get to anything warm. Even I'm not above... 10 degrees yet. "All I can say is we better perform at the next challenge," Melody said, also leaving the group. They pretty much disbanded to go to bed after this. The next morning at Fiyah, Diana and Mikayla were up early and out getting firewood. "Listen," Diana began, "what do you think of me and you going to the final 2?" She smiled. "Really?" Mikayla asked excitedly. "You're willing to take me? Oh, this is going to give me SO much screentime!" "Well, obviously I don't mean some kind of friendship or anything," Diana corrected, now frowning. "Strictly strategic. Nothing personal." She suddenly looked at her feet and began talking again, her voice shaky and unstable, "Unless I need a shoulder to cry on... you'd be there for me, right Mikayla?" "Um," Mikayla said, unsure how to answer. "Yeah, sure!" "You're so nice to me," Diana sputtered, shaking and sobbing. "So, so, nice." '''Mikayla (CONF): '''You know, for my own health... I'm not realy sure if Diana's the best person to be in the final 2 with. Like, you never know when she's gonna pick up the machete and with a little whack whack here and a whack whack there your head's gone! Meanwhile, Jake was snoring in the shelter. "Ughhhh, this sucks so much," Victor whispered to everyone else, clearly awoken by Jake. "I can't get a blink of sleep with this meatloaf around." "He's clearly disturbing the peace of our team," James added. "Even I find myself somewhat unsettled," Wista commented. '''Wista (CONF): '''The one they call "Jake" is not very enjoyable to be around. He is a very large disturbance to my inner nirvana. I thought I had found peace long ago but some still give me tremors from deep inside, places I wish to never return to again. "Where's Daniel?" James asked. "Down by the ocean," Victor answered. "Ugh, if I were out in the wild, he would be such easy prey right now." Daniel was washing himself in the ocean. "I... have to stay under c-control. No burning, Daniel. No burning, no burning, no burning. No fire, Daniel. No fire, no fire, no fire." He turned to the camera. "M-may I be alone... just for a little while." He splashed some water onto his face and sat on the beach, staring out across the ocean into the rising sun. "Big... ball... of... fire," he whispered. At Wata again, Melody was reading Tree Mail. ''For the best reward, And comforts galore, You'll have to pass the test. Be the smartest, Brain the largest, And make sure to be the best. '' "Are they all gonna rhyme?" Trish asked, drying her hair after taking a splash in the ocean. "Probably! Rhymes are fun!" CeCe answered. "That is so lame," Melody said. "Alright, team huddle," Brian said, taking control of the team for the mere seconds they weren't fighting. "Listen, we're gonna win this challenge! I'm sure we can muster some brains together..." he glanced at his tribe, "or not, but c'mon! Teamwork is all we need! We can do this! All hands in." Everyone put their hands into the middle of the huddle and yelled "1! 2! 3! WATAAAAA!" Both teams arrived at the challenge sometime later in the day. "Alright! You guys are back! How was your first night?" "Horrible," Diana said weakly. However, she quickly straightened up, saying, "But our team can pull through. We're a tough bunch of WORKERS. Isn't that right, TEAM!" "SIR YES SIR!" they all replied. "As you can see, Sergeant McKee was voted out in a drama-filled ''first elimination ceremony!" Chris said to Fiyah. "Oh, he was the old guy, right?" Mikayla asked. "Yeah, he could totally have used some of this very special Skin-Clearing Ointment sponsored by Prolazy, available in stores near you!" "I don't believe that clears wrinkles," James told Mikayla. "Shhhh! You always lie to the audience!" Mikayla shushed him. "Alright, it's time for your guys' first reward challenge!" Chris announced. "Today, it'll be a battle of the brains." "Really?" Melody said, acting surprised. "I didn't get that from the message you sent us!" "Oh, do you have trouble understanding the language as well?" Wista asked, perking up at the thought someone else was sharing her troubles. "The only common language between us all comes from Mother Nature," she said, blowing a kiss to the clouds. "It's- It's called sarcasm," Melody said. "Oh," Wista replied sadly. "I apologize." "Alright, each team will send one representative up at a time!" Chris started to explain. "Oh no," Brian said. "I will ask you a question about Jamaica and you will have to answer it! First team to do so wins a point. First to 3 points wins an AWESOME reward! But you don't get to know about that until after you win. Ready to start?" Simultaneously, they all said, "No," but Chris replied, "Good! First match-up is James vs. Brian." "Alright, I can take the bloody loser any day," James said. "Operation: W.T.C, win the challenge, is a-go." "First question: Jamaica was invented in what year?" Chris asked. "Invented?" Brian asked. "Yes, Brian. Everyone knows Jamaica is a manmade island," Chris answered, getting annoyed. "1763," James answered matter-of-factly. "Correct! First point to Fiyah!" Chris exclaimed. "What," Brian said. "I don't even-" "You lost, dude. Sit down." Brian sighed and sat. Trish gave him a consoling pat on the back. "Next up is Diamond vs. Diana!" Chris announced. Brian groaned. "Question number dos... when did the Caribbeaners take over Jamaica?" "Are you kidding me?!" Brian yelled from the stands. "Shush!" Chris said. "Trick question, the Caribbeaners never took over Jamaica. It was the South Amerifracans," Diamond answered. "Correctamundo! 1-1!" Chris exclaimed. Brian was speechless. "Next pair, Adonis vs. Jake!" "Gonna pound this sucker into the ground," Jake claimed just loud enough for Adonis to hear. He high-fived his team and walked up to Chris. "Alright, next question: You're out late at night to get water for your tribe. Suddenly, you hear a rustling. You realize you've come to encounter a esa kesna. What do you do?" "Easy," Jake sneered cockily. "You pour water over it and let it melt." "Wrong!" Chris chirped. "What?" Jake protested. "But I--" "Remember, you're ON a water run. You can't USE water. Adonis?" "Hmm," Adonis said, thinking. "Well, considerably, you could kill ANYTHING at the right angle with the right amount of pressure put on it. I'd say if you took a stick from the jungle floor -- I'm sure there's one there -- then if you hit it on the head at exactly 27 miles per hour at a 45 degree angle to the crowning bone, its skull would shatter." "I have no idea what you just said, but I'm gonna go with correct!" Chris announced. "That's 2-1, Wata's favor!" Chris recieved complaints from everyone in Fiyah's area, but he just said, "Up-up-up! I make the rules. That means NO ARGUING." He flashed a smile at the camera. "Next up is Wista vs. Melody!" Melody menacingly ground her fist into her free hand, but Wista hardly seemed to notice, seeing as she was staring... straight into the sun. "Alright, this could be the final question... the rain in Jamaica comes how often?" Chris asked. "Finally, a normal question," Brian sighed. "In flagorns," Chris continued. Wista smiled. "The ground tells me the rain has not come since 2 flagorns ago, but judging by the healthiness of the plants, it should be coming within the next half flagorn, so I shall say about every 2.5 flagorns." "That's right!" Chris exclaimed. "2-2, it's all tied up!" "The hell is a flagorn?" Melody asked, walking back to her team. "Last pair of today," Chris started, "Trish vs. Mikayla!" "Alright! Yes!! We are SO going to win!" Mikayla cheered, high-fiving all of her teammates. "Woo," Trish said sarcastically. "We're ''so going to win." "Final question of the challenge," Chris began, "What is the tallest mountinian plateautian in Jamaica?" "Hm..." Mikayla said, thinking. "Um," Trish started nonchalantly, "what." "10 seconds," Chris narrated, looking at his watch. "Going out on a limb here," Mikayla unassuredly said, "but maybe the Jamaican Flat?" "Trish, any guesses from you before the time runs up?" Chris asked. "Just say... something!" Brian whispered to her. '''Trish (CONF): ''(shiftily) I don't... perform well under pressure. "Um," Trish stumbled, her usually pale face growing vermillion, "the... stupid host chateau?" Chris glared at her. "That would be a big NO. Mikayla didn't get it right, but just for that ''rude ''little comment, I'm subtracting a point from Fiyah. Wata wins the challenge 2-1!" Wata cheered happily. "Nice job, Mikayla!" Victor cheered. "Ready to find out your reward?" Chris asked, smiling. "I believe we are, Chris," James nodded, answering for his team. "You all get... McLean Brand Hair Gel!" Chris announced happily. Fiyah let out a simultaneous groan of disappointment. "Provided you pay the processing & shipping fee of $10!" "That's more than hair gel itself is worth," Jake commented skeptically. "Oh, really?" Chris challenged. "How do you think all of this happens?" Chris gestured to his hair. He stepped closer to Jake, now in his face. "Do you think my hair is NATURALLY this good?" "I think your hair is naturally that... suckish," Jake fought back. Chris paused for a second and gasped, dumbfounded. He then glared at Jake. "Out! You're off my show. Leave! Now! You're out!" "What? Whoa, dude, you're not serious, right?" Jake asked, backing down. He put his hands up in a defensive gesture. "Out! Now!" Chris screamed, pointing off-screen. The rest of the cast started to whisper to each other worriedly. Chris then got a call on his cell phone, which rung the Total Drama theme song. "Hello?" he answered. "Uh-huh. Uh-huh. ...Uh-huh. But are you-- fine. FINE." He put the phone away and everyone looked at him, anxiously awaiting news. "... Well?" Mikayla asked. "Oh, they just said I had to give the gel to you for free," Chris said. "Jake, you're still out, bro." Jake hung his head shamefully and walked to a waiting boat at the shore. It drove away with him in it. "Jake, the host has spoken! Sayonara!" Chris yelled after him, laughing maniacally. '''Daniel (CONF): '''Well... our good friend Jake left today, which has our whole team reeling. He may have been negative, but he sparked a certain... ''fire ''within us. "Enjoy your gel," Chris laughed, throwing a bag of them at the Wata team. "And Fiyah, you guys go back empty handed! Isn't that fun?" Both teams were unhappy and turned to go back to their respective camps. At Fiyah, the team took to the shelter, aside from Jaime who went to get firewood (it was his turn after making Adonis, Brian, CeCe, and Diamond do it in that order). Adonis stood up and took a position in front of everyone sitting or laying down and began to speak. "Okay, guys, we can't keep losing," Adonis said. "Well, what's ''your ''suggestion, ''Adonis?" Melody challenged, consequently realizing that his actual name was, well, Adonis. "We aren't doing well as a team. We need to gel, guys. The other team has a leader and they're organized and they're happy and they're winning," Adonis answered. "So what," Trish started, sitting up, "you want us to play the Name Game?" "I already know EVERYONE'S name!" CeCe announced proudly. "Oh my God it's talking," Trish said quickly, laying back down. "What is?" CeCe asked, seemingly confused. "I don't think they're listening to you any more, honey," Diamond said to Adonis, somehow adding a flirtatious air to it. Adonis sighed and sat next to her. She put an arm around her and started playing with him while he spoke to her. "What else am I supposed to do? I'm just trying to get this team together so we can have a good time out here. I mean, why can't everyone just stop fighting? What can I do to make them stop?" He looked at Diamond. "Sorry for dumping all of this on you." "No, I love hearing you talk," Diamond said, playing with his hair. "You know, the whole team doesn't have to be together to... have a good time." Adonis turned and looked at her in the eyes. She started to move towards him, but Adonis quickly stood up, causing Diamond to fall over. "Or not," she groaned. "Sorry," Adonis said, embarrassed. "I-- um... sorry." He quickly walked off. Over at Fiyah, though the team were less than satisfied with their reward & losing Jake, they were all belated for their 2nd win in a row. Mikayla (CONF): '''Our 2nd win! Yay! It's so much fun to be out here when you win. I was so sad when Jake left, though... in fact, the only thing that could contain my tears was Deenex tissues. They're so strong, you may as well call them 4-ply! "Good fight today, team," James said happily. "It sucked so much losing Jake," Diana commented, sounding very depressed and pessimistic. "Ah, well," James began, "I never liked him much anyways." "Even I liked the guy a little," Victor added. "He was a threat to all of you," James told them with an authority. "In fact, while I'm around, you all won't so much as mention missing him. I don't and you shouldn't either. In fact, I'm glad he's gone. Extremely happy." He scowled at all of them. "Um, harsh much? Ugh," Diana said obnoxiously, mirroring an angsty teenage girl. "I'm going down to the ocean to wash up," James announced. "Anyone who wishes to join me may." '''Mikayla (CONF): '''Okay, um, I feel kind of... dirty saying this, but I sort of don't like James. He acts like such a high and mighty leader, but I'm pretty sure he's the only one that even thinks he is. Also, he acts really condescending to everyone. Like, right, YOU know EXACTLY where tapioca is! Because you've totally been stranded on an island in the middle of the Caribbean before! And you're the only one in this entire group that knows the right way to flay a fish, I'm sure! Oh, and thanks for giving us your ''permission ''to wash up with the one person that'll probably soil the entire ocean just by touching it! ... Was that mean? "Ugh, he sucks," Mikayla whispered to her other teammates. "I know right? I'm considering eating him one of these nights," Victor replied. "Or setting him on fire," Daniel added. "I say we vote him out next," Diana suggested. "He'll never see it coming!" "Diana's right, this is the perfect time," Mikayla said. "Let us make sure he does not catch wind of our little plan," Wista said. "Right," Victor confirmed. "Nobody tells James and you agree to whatever he tells you, and we vote him out." "Hey, let's throw the challenge," Diana suggested. "It's the only surefire way to get him off." "Are you sure? That might give the other team hope," Mikayla asked. "Hope is very powerful." "I'm sure," Diana nodded. "I've calculated all the risks and nine times out of ten, this is the best way to make sure James leaves before the merge." "This island has a strange way of bringing out the one possibility, though, don't you think?" Wista asked mysteriously. "Um... we'll see," Diana said. Both teams went to the challenge. "Alright, gather 'round," Chris said. The contestants did as told. "Alright, you're fighting for immunity today! The challenge is ''extremely ''simple. All you have to do is dig on the beach to find a rock with your team's logo on it. The first time to find theirs wins!" "That's it?" Melody scoffed. "Psh, easy." "Uh, yeah," Chris responded. "As long as you don't consider the booby traps and explosives a thing. Happy digging!" He throwed them all shovels and walked away. "Uh... let's get started!" Mikayla cheered. She started digging, but upon sticking the shovel into the ground, a land mine went off and she went flying into the nearby forest. "Fiyah's down to 6!" Chris laughed, yelling through a bullhorn while laying on a lounge chair. "Oh no, that's not what we wanted!" Diana said, acting badly. '''Diana (CONF): '''Heheh. Little did James know, that's exactly what we wanted. "Okay, listen," Adonis said to Wata, "this is our chance to win!" "Alright," Brian began, "let's start all the way on that end of the beach and work our way up here. If we find the other team's rock, we hide it in the forest. Got it? Break!" "You know how to use a shovel, Barbie?" Trish asked CeCe. "I do, but thanks so much for caring!" CeCe answered, bubbling. '''CeCe (CONF): ''(gags)'' Trish (CONF): 'There's no way ANYBODY is that plain nice, not to mention completely and totally stupid. I never thought that teacher 'Nobody's stupid' crap would ring true, but the proof is in the blonde...ing. I'm going to keep ragging on CeCe until she cracks. I'm not really a horrible person, I'm just curious how long it takes. The only other option is that she's possessed or something... you know, that really wouldn't surprise me either. "Alright, team," James started, "you soldiers dig in a circular motion. I'll use my tracking skills to locate our fallen teammate." "Okay, good luck!" Victor feigned. "I though the plan was to--" Wista began before Daniel interrupted her. "N-no, Wista, I was joking about the fire pattern," Daniel quickly said, trying to make the impression that the plan she was talking about was the digging pattern. "Oh," Wista said, confused. Suddenly realizing what was happening, she said, "Oh! Oh. Ohhh!" "... Alright, I'll be on my way," Daniel announced, leaving. "This is going great!" Diana said to her team, smiling. "I apologize for almost throwing the plan down the flusher, as your kind says," Wista said, ashamed. "Down the t-toilet," Daniel corrected. "Thank you," Wista said brightly, looking up at Daniel. Their eyes met and she quickly looked down again. '''Wista (CONF): '''Although nobody here is quite normal, I believe Daniel is the only other person here who feels as outcasted as I do. Sometimes the thing a human -- or non-human -- needs most is knowing that they are not alone. ''(smiles shyly) "Hmmm hmmm hmmmmmm," Melody hummed while digging. "Okay, can you please stop humming?" Trish asked. "I know you think you're gonna be really big and a pop star someday, but trust me, honey, this show is gonna be the most fame you're ever gonna get. Not to mention you don't even sound that good." "That was... really uncalled for," Diamond interjected. "Yeah, well," Trish began, "reality can be pretty uncalled for sometimes, too." 'Diamond (CONF): '''If I want to, I can be a ''(bleep), but Trish seriously takes it to a whole new level. I've never heard anyone that has such a rude comment to say to EVERYTHING! "Trish," Brian called out, "dig over here for a sec?" Trish sighed. "Sure, whatever." As soon as she walked away, Melody yelled out, "Guys, I think I found something!" She stuck her shovel in again, but her "something" exploded tar into her face. "Ewwwwww! Somebody help oh my god ew ew ew!" She ran off into the ocean. "What's up?" Trish asked Brian. "Okay, I need you to be calm when I tell you this," Brian warned. "Yeah, well, you're not as annoying as some of them," Trish responded. "You need to tone it down," Brian admonished. "There's a social aspect to this game, too, and if you don't at least get, like, 1% nicer, you're screwing both ''of us over." "So I need to pretend to be somebody else," Trish laughed. "Uh, for this competition? Yes," Brian answered. Trish thought for a second. "Alright, but as soon as you make a mistake, I'm back to the Trish everybody knows and hates." "Deal." Meanwhile, the Fiyah team were all lazily digging together. Diana accidentally struck something solid. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me," she muttered. Investigating, she dug around it and found that it was a rock. "Guys, help me pull this out," she said. They pulled it out, only to realize that it was the other team's rock. "Let's give this to them so they can win!" Victor suggested, excited. "No, that'll be too obvious... James will notice. I have a plan," Diana responded. As if called by a cue, James and Mikayla then appeared. "I found her in a ditch... She's not quite back to normal yet," James proclaimed. "Explosion," Mikayla said as if within a trance. "Sky. Fall. Ground." "Ah, you found our rock?" James asked, pointing to Wata's rock. "Let's win this." "Chris, we have found our rock!" Wista yelled out to him. She then glanced at the rock and felt it. "Oh, this beautiful energy has been carved smooth by the wind." She sighed dreamily. "I love the wind." "Fiyah, you guys got it?" Chris asked. "Let me check!" He made his way to their team and glanced at the rock. He began laughing hysterically. "Oh, man, I was hoping this would happen. Fiyah, you guys just showed me WATA's rock! You know what that means... Wata wins immunity!" Wata cheered and hugged each other (even Trish). "Darn!" Diana faked. "Fiyah, you're voting someone out tonight! Haha, prepare for the drama," Chris announced. "Well," James started with an "I'm-not-mad-just-disappointed" voice, "I'm not sure how you ALL could have made that mistake, but I suppose this is a good opportunity to get rid of some dead weight." "Got that right," Victor muttered. "Oh, one more thing," Chris said. "It turns out I'm not allowed to eliminate Jake like that, so... he's coming back!" A boat pulled up, holding a very angry-looking Jake. "Welcome back," James said cordially. "Don't give me that crap," Jake said menacingly, picking James up by the collar of his shirt. "I saw everything." "Everything?" James asked cowardly. Jake simply nodded slowly in reply. Hours later, Fiyah walked to the elimination ceremony. '''Diana (CONF): '''So, my plan was that we vote out James, and right now the only thing that can change that is if a meteor fell out of the sky and killed us all. ''(laughs at her own joke) '''Mikayla (CONF): ''(still not quite "right") Secret agent man GO LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE!! "Alright, everyone take your seat and I'll ask you a couple questions before we get to the vote," Chris said. The contestants did as they were told and sat around the campfire. "Okay, James, would you call yourself the 'leader' of this team?" "Um... yes, I would," James answered with a smile. "AW, HELL NAW!" a voice screamed from the back of tribal council. Everybody turned around to where it came from, but there was nothing there. "Who are you?" Wista breathed. "Do you see it?" Diana asked. "I do," Wista answered, still shocked. "Y'ALL STILL DON'T KNOW WHO I AM?" the voice screamed again. "Y'ALL STILL DON'T KNOW ''MY NAME?" "Um, even I don't," Chris added. "THE NAME IS MARY," she screamed. "AND I AM OUT OF THIS SHOW! OFF! I QUIT! GOT IT?" "We didn't even pick you," Chris said. "I still don't even SEE you." "OH, (BLEEP) ''YOU, CHRIS MCLEAN. YOU TOO, JAMES. YOU'RE A CONDESCENDING DICK." Mikayla suddenly snapped out of her trance. "Where am I?" she asked. Diana paused and looked at her. "Your trigger word was... never mind." "SEE ALL OF Y'ALL LATER! ACTUALLY, I WON'T! ''(BLEEP) ''YOU ALL!" Mary screamed. She threw her torch across the campfire. "Um... bye, I guess," Diana said. "OH, YEAH, ONE MORE THING," Mary continued, "YOU KNOW DIANA AND MIKAYLA? THEY HAVE AN ALLIANCE." Diana and Mikayla exchanged a worried glance. James glared at them. "THAT'S RIGHT," Mary screamed, "I WAS ''WITH YOU ''WHILE YOU GUYS MADE THAT!" "That's impossible!" Diana fought. She was slapped across the face by an invisible force. "HOW IMPOSSIBLE IS THAT, ''(BLEEP)?" Mary asked. She stormed out of tribal council. There was a dead silence for about a minute. "Um... how about you guys just go back to camp?" Chris suggested. "No vote tonight." "Ah, too bad," James commented, relieved. Jake shot him a firey look. "If looks could kill..." James muttered. The Fiyah team walked out of the elimination ceremony and went back to their camp. "And with that, we're down to 14! Things are getting very interesting here in Jamaica. Romances are blooming, enemies are enemy-ing, and... actually, that's all. Tune in next time for more dramatic action on Total... Drama... Jamaica!"